Dear son,
My heart hurts so badly today and my arms ache with emptiness. Around others, I struggle to hold back the waterfall of tears that are inside me, but when I'm alone, there's no one there to see my tears fall. Today you are turning one and your papa and I have never touched you, held you, or smelled your baby smell. Why is this journey taking so long to bring us together as a forever family? We have been waiting so long to be parents and it's awful not to know when you will be coming home to us. I know we will have many birthdays with you, but that is in the future. It's right now that we're thinking about...this birthday that we're missing. We will celebrate by making you a cake and blowing out the candle ourselves; we're also going to go out for dinner and think about the days that we will be a family of three! We long for the day we receive our travel call so that we can finally spend the rest of our days with you. We miss you, baby boy, and long to hold you in our arms. We love you and hope you had a wonderful birthday.
Love, Mama and Papa
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Monday, April 05, 2010
We got the update...
...today!! He now weighs 19.4 lbs and is 28.8 inches tall. Not a picky eater, unlike his dad! He's sleeping well and likes to play in the water during his baths. He stands on his own for short periods and walks while holding on to someone. We can't wait to meet him!!!
Sunday, April 04, 2010
11 month pictures!!
Was I right, or what?! As I said in my previous post, as soon as I wrote something on here, I felt we would then get some mail. And look what we found in the mailbox yesterday...
He looks like he's getting so big!!! We did not get an update on him, though. :( I'm going to try to find out some answers tomorrow from our agency's director. Maybe since he's so close to his birthday, they are waiting for that milestone? But I find it odd that, even though we requested the information, they did not send it this time. I know someone who requested an update right before their child's 11-month check-up and they got an answer right away. I know I shouldn't be thinking this, but part of me is wondering why they aren't giving us any information and I'm starting to worry a bit. He's not "ours" until we get on the plane with him to come home. I know I'm being paranoid, but I have that right as his mama!! Don't get me wrong, we LOVE getting the pictures, but we also (understandably, I hope) want to know more about him, too. *sigh* Maybe next month.
(This really was supposed to be a happy post, but I'm sick and tired of not having gotten any written update on him since our referral 6 months ago while others seem to get them on a fairly regular basis. I think the children's SWs should give out standardized information to all adoptive parents...but that's easy for me to say when I'm not the one doing the work!)
Friday, April 02, 2010
6 months ago...
...we saw our son's face for the first time! We were so excited to have finally gotten "the call" that told us we would shortly be a family of three. And even though that "short" time has now stretched out to a much longer wait than anyone had anticipated, we are still waiting anxiously and with hearts full of love for our little guy to get home! We did request a physical update on Baby J a month ago since we have only had updated pictures and he's almost one year old, but so far we haven't heard anything from the agency about whether or not that request is going to be granted. (I'm keeping my fingers crossed and saying my prayers!) Other families have received updated information along with their pictures, so it seems some Korean SWs add this info and some don't. It's frustrating and I wish they all had the same system of updating adoptive parents, but at least we've received pictures, for which we're very thankful. Maybe by writing this, we'll get something in the mail soon!! I am trying to stay positive now, as I know I won't be able to in less than two weeks when my little boy turns one. I'm ready to hold that precious boy in my arms and fulfill my dream of being a mom in person! Come on, Mr. Mailman...
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
What a week!
What a week this past 7 days have been!!! Had some big ups and downs at work that I'm not even going to get into here; suffice it to say, yesterday I kept telling myself that I just needed to get through the day because now I have EIGHT DAYS OFF!! Very excited about that. :)
We finally got our dining room table and chairs in...after almost 3 months! We ordered them December 31, since the tax rate was going up the next day and, at that time, the furniture store told us it would take 4-6 weeks for it to come in. We were fine with that, as we didn't need it for any certain time. At 5 weeks, I called just to see if they knew when it would be delivered and they told me that it wasn't in and that it would probably take the full 6 weeks. Okay, fine, still not a problem. At 8 weeks, we hadn't heard from them and a phone call from me registered some surprise with the person that answered that we hadn't gotten our table yet. So they called the warehouse: the table and four of the six chairs were in; they were waiting until all the chairs were there before sending it to the store for us to pick up. O-kay, fine, getting a bit upset by this time, but still not a huge problem. At 10 weeks, we were told that they had all the chairs, but not the table...what?!?! How did they "not have" the table now, when they had it two weeks ago?! Not fine, what the heck is going on, we want our dining room set!! By this time, the guys at the store were getting impatient with the warehouse and told us that our table and chairs would be delivered to our house for free, to make up for our inconvenience. After calling them daily, we finally got it delivered during week 11...in boxes!!!!!! Maybe this is how dining room tables and chairs are received normally, but not having bought one before (we've only had small kitchen tables), we just assumed it would either come assembled or they would do it for us. ha! So then we had to spend the evening putting together the table and four of the chairs. Never going back to that store again. Although we've had bad luck with almost all of the furniture stores in town now, so if we ever buy furniture again, I have no clue where we will actually want to get it from! But we really really like our new table and chairs; it makes the dining room look like, well, a dining room. Here's a picture of our awesome table:
If all the above wasn't enough for one week, someone dented my driver's side car door when they were getting out of their car last Thursday. It was such a windy day that the door probably got pulled out of her hand, so I don't blame her at all for it actually happening, but dang it, take responsibility! I had just gotten back to my car when the people next to me were getting out, so I stood back to wait for them and didn't see it happen. Luckily, there was someone in the car facing mine who did see it happen and told me about it when the other people went into the store...the person who did it didn't even say anything to me! How lame. So I went back in the store and asked them about it; the driver completely denied it, but he obviously didn't see it happen. When I specifically asked the woman, she just stared at me mutely and then looked back at the guy, who again denied it. Long story short, after seeing the dents (and the white paint from my car door on the edge of the dark car he was driving), he grudgingly admitted that it could have been them...after calling his friend who he borrowed the car from to tell her what happened! I feel sorry for that woman having to pay to repair the damage done by her friends, but she was also a bit aggravated to hear that they had denied it so long. Thankfully, the two big dents in my car door are going to be repaired soon! It's kinda funny, though, my car got hit and I was the one who had to do all the work in order for it to be repaired. This is actually the first time, yes, I said the first time, that I have ever had something happen to a car I'm driving! Pretty good record, huh?
Chris and I are sending another and, we're hoping, final care package over to Korea this month with a family who is traveling to meet their son. Thanks, M!!! Next time, we're hoping it's us who is carrying over the packages for other families! There hasn't been much movement, but the woman in charge of the Korean program is going over in April to visit and talk with the agency there. That's great news and hopefully that will kind of start nudging things along again. Baby J's birthday is two weeks from tomorrow, on April 14, and the family carrying the package for us is leaving on the 16th, so this will ultimately be his birthday gift from us. I can't believe that we are still waiting for him to come home and are missing this milestone, rather than celebrating it with him. If we knew back in January that we still wouldn't have him by now, we would have found some way for me to have gone over with B. and L. that month when they went to visit their sons. (Both of their referrals were about a month before ours and they're still waiting as well!) Leaving Baby J behind at that time would have been so so heartwrenching, but at least he would have met his mama and maybe remembered me when we go to get him and not be as anxious as he is bound to be. And Chris and I would have had pictures of me with our son when he was still a baby; we could have had those precious memories. I could have held him, kissed him, played with him, and smelled him (don't you just love the smell of babies?!). Now the agency in Korea has said that they cannot accommodate adoptive parents visiting their children prior to travel calls because it places a lot more work on their shoulders, to set up visiting times and have the SW present. I understand, and want them to have as much time as possible to work on getting the babies home instead of coordinating visits, but didn't they understand when they issued the invitation for parents to come visit that they would be inundated with requests, especially as the wait time between referral and travel call is getting longer and our babies are getting older?!!? Friday will be six months since we saw our sweet baby's face for the first time and realized that our dream to become parents was finally coming true...now, if it would only turn into reality for us! Here are some pictures of the birthday package:
We finally got our dining room table and chairs in...after almost 3 months! We ordered them December 31, since the tax rate was going up the next day and, at that time, the furniture store told us it would take 4-6 weeks for it to come in. We were fine with that, as we didn't need it for any certain time. At 5 weeks, I called just to see if they knew when it would be delivered and they told me that it wasn't in and that it would probably take the full 6 weeks. Okay, fine, still not a problem. At 8 weeks, we hadn't heard from them and a phone call from me registered some surprise with the person that answered that we hadn't gotten our table yet. So they called the warehouse: the table and four of the six chairs were in; they were waiting until all the chairs were there before sending it to the store for us to pick up. O-kay, fine, getting a bit upset by this time, but still not a huge problem. At 10 weeks, we were told that they had all the chairs, but not the table...what?!?! How did they "not have" the table now, when they had it two weeks ago?! Not fine, what the heck is going on, we want our dining room set!! By this time, the guys at the store were getting impatient with the warehouse and told us that our table and chairs would be delivered to our house for free, to make up for our inconvenience. After calling them daily, we finally got it delivered during week 11...in boxes!!!!!! Maybe this is how dining room tables and chairs are received normally, but not having bought one before (we've only had small kitchen tables), we just assumed it would either come assembled or they would do it for us. ha! So then we had to spend the evening putting together the table and four of the chairs. Never going back to that store again. Although we've had bad luck with almost all of the furniture stores in town now, so if we ever buy furniture again, I have no clue where we will actually want to get it from! But we really really like our new table and chairs; it makes the dining room look like, well, a dining room. Here's a picture of our awesome table:
If all the above wasn't enough for one week, someone dented my driver's side car door when they were getting out of their car last Thursday. It was such a windy day that the door probably got pulled out of her hand, so I don't blame her at all for it actually happening, but dang it, take responsibility! I had just gotten back to my car when the people next to me were getting out, so I stood back to wait for them and didn't see it happen. Luckily, there was someone in the car facing mine who did see it happen and told me about it when the other people went into the store...the person who did it didn't even say anything to me! How lame. So I went back in the store and asked them about it; the driver completely denied it, but he obviously didn't see it happen. When I specifically asked the woman, she just stared at me mutely and then looked back at the guy, who again denied it. Long story short, after seeing the dents (and the white paint from my car door on the edge of the dark car he was driving), he grudgingly admitted that it could have been them...after calling his friend who he borrowed the car from to tell her what happened! I feel sorry for that woman having to pay to repair the damage done by her friends, but she was also a bit aggravated to hear that they had denied it so long. Thankfully, the two big dents in my car door are going to be repaired soon! It's kinda funny, though, my car got hit and I was the one who had to do all the work in order for it to be repaired. This is actually the first time, yes, I said the first time, that I have ever had something happen to a car I'm driving! Pretty good record, huh?
Chris and I are sending another and, we're hoping, final care package over to Korea this month with a family who is traveling to meet their son. Thanks, M!!! Next time, we're hoping it's us who is carrying over the packages for other families! There hasn't been much movement, but the woman in charge of the Korean program is going over in April to visit and talk with the agency there. That's great news and hopefully that will kind of start nudging things along again. Baby J's birthday is two weeks from tomorrow, on April 14, and the family carrying the package for us is leaving on the 16th, so this will ultimately be his birthday gift from us. I can't believe that we are still waiting for him to come home and are missing this milestone, rather than celebrating it with him. If we knew back in January that we still wouldn't have him by now, we would have found some way for me to have gone over with B. and L. that month when they went to visit their sons. (Both of their referrals were about a month before ours and they're still waiting as well!) Leaving Baby J behind at that time would have been so so heartwrenching, but at least he would have met his mama and maybe remembered me when we go to get him and not be as anxious as he is bound to be. And Chris and I would have had pictures of me with our son when he was still a baby; we could have had those precious memories. I could have held him, kissed him, played with him, and smelled him (don't you just love the smell of babies?!). Now the agency in Korea has said that they cannot accommodate adoptive parents visiting their children prior to travel calls because it places a lot more work on their shoulders, to set up visiting times and have the SW present. I understand, and want them to have as much time as possible to work on getting the babies home instead of coordinating visits, but didn't they understand when they issued the invitation for parents to come visit that they would be inundated with requests, especially as the wait time between referral and travel call is getting longer and our babies are getting older?!!? Friday will be six months since we saw our sweet baby's face for the first time and realized that our dream to become parents was finally coming true...now, if it would only turn into reality for us! Here are some pictures of the birthday package:
His first Illini outfit, a nice birthday outfit (how handsome he will be in it!), a book where he can push the pictures on the side and it says the word (so he may learn some simple English words), and a stacking toy. Can you believe I could not find those small plastic cups that stack inside each other?! I remember those from growing up and wanted to send Baby J a set; he could practice hand-eye coordination and begin to learn that even though you can't see something, it's still there...like his mama and papa right now! We're here waiting for you!
I'm also sending a disposable camera and a thank you gift for the foster family, for caring for and loving our son for the past 10 months. I really like these statues and hope they will also!
Some shots of our "kids" over the past couple of weeks:
Lexi was buried beneath the blanket before Jinx laid down in the bed with her. I pulled the blanket away to get this picture. They have NEVER laid in the same bed to sleep!!!
One day last week, the dogs were rough-housing like usual so I wasn't paying much attention to them. That is, until I heard this very. pathetic. whining coming from Lexi (the beagle). Now mind you, she is (just a little bit) spoiled and whines a lot when she wants something, usually attention, not unlike a child, or so I've been told. But she was no where near me and it continued, so I went to investigate. Here is what I found:
I started laughing so hard because she looked so funny just sitting there, her head caught in a hole in the blanket they'd been ripping apart. And Jinx just standing there like, "what's the problem, mom?" I had to take some pictures! Of course, I first made sure that my little one was not suffocating, which she wasn't. My little wonderdog looks like she's got her very own homemade cape!!
Last, but certainly not least, I finished a baby blanket for my sister's baby shower mid-March. I think it turned out well and am hoping my niece or nephew enjoys it for many years to come!!
Sunday, March 14, 2010
11 months old today
Our sweet Baby J is 11 months old today!! We can't believe that he's already that old and in just one month, he'll be one year old! And we are nowhere closer to knowing when we will finally get to meet him and bring him home. I wish it wasn't so expensive to fly over there (not to mention how long a flight it is!) so that we could at least go meet him and get to experience his baby stage. But it would be way too heart wrenching to have to leave him there and come back without him. So, we will wait, but not necessarily patiently...who said we had to be patient?! I'm hoping we might get some more pictures in about 2 weeks; it seems like they tend to send out updates after the monthly check-up. I'm really praying hard that we finally get some physical updates as well; I would love love love to know how big he is and exactly how much he has grown!!!!! And, of course, any other information they would like to send would be welcome!!
My blog friend, A., sent her husband to Korea yesterday to pick up their son!!! He is exactly 3 months older than our J, which yes, makes him 14 months old today. I'm hoping they will be a good resource for me and Chris once we get Baby J home, what with our children being a little older than the norm for Korea when they get home, at least in the past. I am so excited for them; they have waited a long time to finally have this day here!
I want you home, son! Sending my love over the miles and wrapping it around you to keep you safe and warm! We are one day closer to the day we meet and become a forever family.
My blog friend, A., sent her husband to Korea yesterday to pick up their son!!! He is exactly 3 months older than our J, which yes, makes him 14 months old today. I'm hoping they will be a good resource for me and Chris once we get Baby J home, what with our children being a little older than the norm for Korea when they get home, at least in the past. I am so excited for them; they have waited a long time to finally have this day here!
I want you home, son! Sending my love over the miles and wrapping it around you to keep you safe and warm! We are one day closer to the day we meet and become a forever family.
Thursday, March 04, 2010
Ta-Da!
The quilt is finished!!! I sent it to a lady in Missouri who did the quilting and edging for me and got it back in the mail today! I waited for Chris to come home before opening it up and it looks great! I'm so glad I asked her to just go ahead and do the edging as well, so that now it is finished and ready to go. It's amazing!! I went with the black border for better contrast and because I couldn't find an orange shade that matched with what I had on there already (most of them were too much of a reddish-orange). But here is the final product...
I am sooo excited that this is finally complete! I wanted to have it done before Baby J came home and now it is, so hopefully things will start moving and we can get our son home before long. It's already been washed and is now waiting for the special child it was made for.
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