Does that make me selfish?

All this mess with the EP issues and current wait times has got me thinking recently.

Even though I would dearly love a sibling call for my son's sake, part of me hopes we don't get one because I don't think I would be able to get through the subsequent wait with the strength and grace that I see from others who are waiting now.

I. hate. waiting.

I am not an extremely patient person.

And I hate not being in control, especially about something so important.

Could I even love another child as much as I love my first-born, my sweetie-pie?

Would I want to disrupt the normal that has become our family since our son joined it almost two years ago?  Would another child fit into our family as well as he does?

Would it be easier to wait a second time since I have a child in my arms already?  I don't know.  Maybe.  I might not have quite the time to obsess about what's going on like I did with our first adoption (although you can bet I would make the time!), but that would definitely not make up for the fact that I would know part of our family was not present.

Does this all make me sound selfish?  I don't know.  Maybe.  But those are my honest thoughts.

That's not to say, if given the opportunity, that we would ever turn down a sibling call.  There would be no question about wanting to parent that child as well.  We would be thrilled!

Although the wait to have that child in our arms would be agonizing.

And I think we would both be pretty terrified of what our "new normal" would become after that.

Guess that makes us regular ol' parents, though, huh?

Let Us Pray...

Or think positive thoughts for;

or hope for;

or do anything to send good vibes to the Korean Ministry of Health and Welfare (MOHW).

Normally, the MOHW invites exit permission (EP) submissions the first working day of the new year.  As the name suggests, this EP needs to be granted in order for a child to come home.  And after submission, it usually takes another 2-6 weeks for a family to receive their travel call.

This year, the MOHW has yet to invite EP submissions.

At first, it was supposed to be January 2, then the beginning of February, then mid-February, then the beginning of March.

Now I've just heard the news that they may push it back to mid-March.

Meaning no one has been allowed to travel to pick up their children yet.

Why do I care, you say?  Your child is home.

Well, we will always be a part of the adoption community and, even though we are no longer in the adoption process, there are plenty of others who are.

Friends, good friends, who have been in this waiting game too long a time.

And there are many, many children in Korea who are waiting to meet their forever families.

Even though they don't know they're waiting.

But we do.

And their forever families know...and know...and know.

Because they've been waiting...and waiting...and waiting.

Some have been waiting since December of 2010.

Yes, I said 2010.

That makes some of these children at least 21 months old now.

These children need to come home.

So please join in with the adoption community every evening at 7pm eastern time (9am Korea time) to pray for these children, these families, and the MOHW, that things will start to progress to unite forever families sooner rather than later.

Thank you.

From all of us.

Giving Thanks for my Dream Come True

"What do you do when you realize all your dreams have come true?"

This quote came to mind when I started thinking about all I am thankful for in my life this year.

Because my dreams have come true.

Someone calls me wife.

And someone calls me Mama.

I adore being able to claim those two titles for my own (although daughter and sister are pretty awesome too!).

I am thankful for so many wonderful people that I have in my life: my family, my friends, Boo's babysitter, my co-workers.  But there are three very special people that I thank daily in my heart and whom will probably never know the depth or extent of how grateful I am to them.  They are Boo's foster parents and his birth mother.

The mother and father who opened their hearts and their home to a baby boy who needed some loving care, knowing that they would eventually have to say good-bye to him.  Judging from the pictures of Boo that we received from them when we picked him up, we know that he was a happy, well-loved baby during the time he was with them.  They did not know that he would be with them for an entire year when they first took him into their lives; at that time, it was more like 4-6 months.  They probably have one of the hardest jobs and they do it voluntarily, time and time again; that of taking in a child, loving him, caring for him, giving him a piece of their hearts, and then placing him in another couple's arms who whisk him halfway around the world.

These are amazing people.

The woman who made two of the hardest decisions one may possibly ever have to make in her life; the first being the decision not to end her pregnancy (in a country where there is still a huge stigma against unwed mothers) and the second being to make an adoption plan for that child...for her child...for our child.  Because I cannot imagine my life without the little boy she gave birth to for the both of us.  I thank God for him and for her unselfish decision every day.  A decision that is most humbling because I do not think I would ever have been able to do the same.  I feel almost guilty at times because I am the one who gets to see our little boy grow up, who gets to feel those arms wrap so tightly around my neck, who gets to hear that little voice say "mama."  And I just end up holding on to him tighter, never wanting to let go.  I hope somehow she knows that he is absolutely loved, cherished, and adored and that because of her decision, my dreams really have come true.

So to you: "What do you do when you realize all your dreams have come true?"

National Infertility Awareness Week

This week is National Infertility Awareness week. Infertility affects 7.3 million people in the U.S. This figure represents 12% of women of childbearing age, or 1 in 8 couples. (2002 National Survey of Family Growth).

We are one of those couples.  And although we don't talk about it much anymore, especially since J has been home, infertility has (obviously) played a large part in how we came to be parents.  I never thought I would say that there would come a day that I would be grateful for all the heartbreak that we went through, but I can not imagine not being mommy to our son.

But as other bloggy friends of mine have written recently, the wound of infertility runs deep and the jealousy and sadness that goes with it can still hit pretty hard at times.  Which I hate.  Who wants to be the "downer" when everyone else is happy??  The dream of creating a child might lessen over time, but it can flare up at any moment.  It never goes away, no matter how happy you are for other people; that dream fades, but stays with you even when you've created a family through adoption.  Each month, even though I know better, a small part of my heart is disappointed.  I would love to experience being pregnant.  I would love to give my husband the gift of creating our child, and our son the gift of a sibling.  The wounds of infertility still run deep and take a long while to heal. 

But these wounds also remind us of our journey, what we have learned along the way, and have made us into the people we are today.  We have been through a lot as a couple and have learned more about each other than some people do who have been together years longer than us.  Because of infertility, we knew we wanted to be parents, and that it was not the "how" but the end result that was the most important thing for us.  

The infertility road is long and difficult, with twists and turns and dead-ends when you least expect them.  It is isolating and lonely because it is not a subject that people discuss openly.  It can, at times, define you and how you feel about yourself.  It can be overwhelming.  And most of the time, "it just plain sucks," as a friend of mine put it.  And if you get to the end of your infertility road and there just aren't any answers, it can leave you feeling frustrated and unsure of who you are.

This week is to achieve awareness for those of us who have gone, or are going through, infertility.  You are NOT alone.  It IS okay to talk about it.  The more I have talked with others, the more I have come to realize that there are so many other people out there who have stories to tell.  They aren't all quite the same, but the healing begins with the telling.  And chances are, if you have not traveled this road yourself, you probably know someone who has.

Looking Back At 2010

Since our nephews are almost exactly one year younger than J, we got to see what J was probably doing one year ago at Christmas.  I get a little sad to be reminded of what we have missed out on in J's life, but I also know he was being loved on by his foster family at that time and that he was healthy and happy, which is all that really matters in the long run.  We got to experience this Christmas with him and everything that has happened over the past 7 months.  It has been awesome, tiring, miraculous, at times frustrating, and so many more emotions that I can't list them all.

2010 started with us thinking that we would be traveling to Korea sometime very early in the year to get our son.  My sisters planned a baby shower for me in late January and I remember telling them that I hoped it would have to be postponed because of us being in Korea or having just returned...wow, how naive that seems now!  :-P  Then waiting four more months before finally, finally getting our travel call.  It all seems so long ago.  But that wait was worth it.  At the time, it felt like things were never going to move forward, but now 7 months has passed us by and it's going too quickly!  It was actually the perfect timing for bringing him home: our son absolutely loves to be outside and the end of May was the best time to have brought him home, so that we could take advantage of the hot summer weather.  (It was also nice for Mommy to have the summer off of work!)

I know we felt like our referral to travel call was long (just shy of 8 months), but the families that are waiting now to bring their kids home are looking at even longer wait times, some of them close to a year!  I can only imagine how they're feeling at this time.  Please pray for those families who are waiting for their travel calls, whose babies are going to be even older than J was when he came home.  Pray for them to stay strong during the rest of the wait, pray for that wait to be short, and pray for their children who will be coming home as toddlers and that their transition to their forever families is smooth.  Pray for the foster families as well, who have loved and nurtured these children for 15+ months in some cases.  It cannot be easy to do what these families do, emotionally bonding to these children that are placed in their care, all the while knowing that it is only temporary.  It has to be heartwrenching for them.  We have seen a visitor on our blog from Seoul recently and I can only hope that maybe it's J's foster family looking in on him.  I hope that being able to see him grow and seeing how happy he is with us gives them peace.  I've said this before and I'll say it again because I feel so strongly about it: I think the love J received from his foster family had a lot to do with how very well he adjusted to us once we brought him home.  I hope that we get to meet them again someday and show them in person what a great little boy they helped raise.  Lee Family, if you are reading this: kamsahamnida!

What's Your Sign?

WOW! What an emotional video. A blogger friend of mine, as well as a "waiter" who received her referral for her son recently, posted this song. Her blog from Mother's Day is so eloquent; the title of this blog will take you there. I watched the video for the first time this morning and just sat in front of the computer and cried. Chris and I could have been the ones holding so many of those signs. Others that we'll never get the chance to hold. Right now, we're honored to be holding one that states "Becoming parents through adoption." One day, we will hold one with our child's name on it. I just needed to share this awesome, powerful video with you.

Happy Mother's Day

In my previous blog, I stated how this Mother's Day was going to be bittersweet...well, Chris just made it a whole lot more sweet than bitter! I was getting ready for work on Mother's Day morning and came downstairs where I noticed a card sitting on the table, addressed to me. I opened it up and it was a Mother's Day card that Chris had bought. As if that wasn't sweet enough, he asked his friend's brother (who lives in Korea; I believe he teaches English there) to help him translate Happy Mother's Day into Korean!!! They don't actually celebrate Mother's Day in Korea, so they don't have a direct translation for it, but they do celebrate Parent's Day. The brother sent Chris a link to some Korean Parent's Day cards and he copied that onto the card and then signed it from our child. By the time I actually took this all in, I had tears running down my face and ran back upstairs, where he was waiting with a grin on his face because he knew I'd be back up!!! So, what I thought would be a rough day turned out to be a beautiful one!


picture caption: close up of what roughly says "Happy Parent's Day, Thank you for all your good wishes" and "Love" on the second line, in Korean

We also bought a frame last week that we are saving for the first picture we receive of our child when we get the referral. I was excited to hang it up this morning and start turning one of our spare bedrooms into the nursery. I can't believe I just wrote that...we're going to have a nursery!!! I didn't think this day would ever come! I know a picture frame isn't much, but it's a start and so very exciting!! Chris found the frame after hunting through a bunch at Kohl's. Isn't it precious?



Can't wait to do more!!!

Rainy Day Blog

So, I'm just waiting around for the guy to come give an estimate on how much it will be to extend the driveway out to the side next to our garage to that we can park our pop-up camper there. It will be sooo nice not to have to try to get it through the soft ground in the spring and fall...and it will be great to have the whole garage back for our vehicles!!!

My friends Sue and Blake met their son yesterday in Korea!! She's posted pictures and video of their new family, and their son is so cute...and seems so comfortable with them already. He was just meant to be theirs!! Congratulations, my friends. Can't wait to see you when you get home! I do believe God blessed you with the child that was meant to be yours.

My hubby got a new haircut this week...short! And I love it!! Here he is grilling this week, since it was so nice out. What a handsome guy!



My good friend, Rita, and her family are going to be moving next week. Her husband just graduated from vet school and got a job in Chicago near her family. They are definitely going to be missed. "Miss Maeve" and "Baby G" are going to be so much closer to their grandparents and cousins living there, but we'll miss seeing them grow up. :( Rita, you'll just have to send a lot of pictures and visit often!!!



This is a bittersweet weekend...Mother's Day. I celebrate my mother this weekend and thank her for everything she does for me. She has been the best mother anyone could ask for, and has grown into a good friend as well. She has given me so much support and love my entire life. There are really no words to express how much love I have for her and I hope she knows just how much she means to me.
I look forward to sharing that same kind of love with my child(ren), if so blessed with them. Growing up, I never dreamed that I might not become a mom, yet these last 4 1/2 years have shown me that nothing is guaranteed. Chris and I have struggled with this dream to become parents and, at one point, even decided to live child-free, but I guess that decision never felt completely right to us. After being drawn to become parents through adoption, we have gone through a gamut of emotions: excited ("we're going to be parents!"), scared ("oh my gosh, we're going to be parents!"), impatient ("when are we finally going to be parents?"), among others. I look at moms this weekend and think, "Will I finally get to celebrate this holiday next year from the other side of it, or will I still be waiting?" It just hurts my heart to think that I may still be in this limbo a year from now. I will keep hoping and praying for our paperwork to go through quickly and for a referral as soon as possible after that, so that next year we can have a double celebration on this weekend!! Please, please pray with me.
Happy Mother's Day to all you mom's out there!!

Weekend days...

First of all, a huge congrats to my friends, Sue, and Blake, for receiving their travel call to go pick up their son!!!!! They will be home before long and they will finally be a family of three...or four, can't forget Sage, their dog! Please keep them all in your thoughts and prayers as they go through this huge transition in their lives. This also makes me long to be at this part in the process as well; I can just hope that these months pass quickly for us and smoothly for our paperwork so that we can finally be mama and papa.
Two weekends ago, we drove to Ohio for my big sister's engagement party. It was sooooo much fun getting the entire family together and celebrating Brenda and Nathan. They were both very surprised by a scrapbook we put together for them; the whole family did a page or two about them, their courtship, their engagement, etc. She did the same for both me and my little sister when we got married and what a treasure!! I have NO PICTURES of that weekend because guess who forgot her camera?!?! Yep, ME! I couldn't believe it when we got to Brenda's place and I just then realized I didn't have it with me. Aaagghhh!! So hopefully I get some sent to me that I can put on here.
Even though I was not at work that weekend, I got to put my nursing skills to work on my nephew; he ran into a table edge at the restaurant with his forehead and had a little gash in it. His mom, my little sister, I think wanted to cry along with him. Trying to put butterfly bandaids on his forehead really did not work; the way he wrinkles up his forehead (so cute) is a real detriment trying to keep that type of bandaid on. So we just slapped a regular 'ol bandaid on it..which worked. They said it looks like it's healing well now. Poor Caleb!

This picture is a few weeks before the head ordeal...he's our class of 2030 from Notre Dame!
This past weekend finally felt like spring. It was overcast on Saturday, but the rain held off...yeah! I ran some errands and then got to spend some time at Jo-Ann Fabrics where I purchased the material I need to make the world quilt for our baby. My mom gave me the two big pieces of material, one with the world on it and the other with the USA. We are going to *try* to put this together in two weeks when she comes to visit while Chris is in Belize with his class. I will get some pictures up of the process, but it will probably depend on how smoothly it goes! :)


On Sunday, Chris and I pulled out our pop-up camper and got it ready to go for the summer. It is now parked in its spot in the garage, which takes precedence over either one of our vehicles! We are so looking forward to going up to our land in the UP of Michigan and spend some time there to make this wait for our child go faster. We now have electricity up there, so I won't have to worry about wearing out flashlight batteries reading at night!! Anybody wanting to come spend time with us there is more than welcome; we'd love to show off our little piece of paradise to you!